The policy here is only ever insult the product, not the creators, but God help me that's hard with this one. Now picture that he waddles to the mirror, looks his heavy, sweating, bulging, swollen bulk up and down, and beams with pride.Īssassin's Creed III: lose some goddamn weight. Now picture that, belching and wheezing at the sheer quantity of food, liquid, bile and phlegm sloshing around inside his obscenely swollen belly, he pulls a dinner jacket onto his bloated, horrible torso. Now picture that he drinks nine gallons of Coca-Cola, pre-shaken for maximum gassiness. Now picture that he eats 300 more cream cakes. Now picture that he has a lactose intolerance that causes temporary but rapid expansion of his guts. Now picture him following that up with 300 more cream cakes. A few weeks after its console version, it's not out on PC - here's what I made of it. This time, though, we're in the New World - America in the throes of revolution against its British rulers/oppressors. Like its predecessors, it has you playing a historical 'assassin' who divides his time between free-running across rooftops, hunting down and killing members of a sinister conspiracy and collecting feathers, with sci-fi diversions into a modern-day tale of one of his descendants trying to prevent an apocalypse. Assassin's Creed III is the fifth in Ubisoft's open-world action series.

Assassin's creed 3 mobile